The Theory of Happily Ever After – Book Excerpt Part 2

EXCERPT CHAPTER ONE, PART TWO OF

THE THEORY OF HAPPILY AFTER

BY KRISTIN BILLERBECK

Click to read Chapter One, Part One on Lone Star Book Blog Tours 8/22/18 Tour Stop!

A harsh reality is better than a false fantasy. Life is not a fairy tale.

The Science of Bliss by Dr. Margaret K. Maguire

He doesn’t stop here though. Apparently he hasn’t completely destroyed me emotionally and professionally. “I’ll be back from our honeymoon on the 27th. I’ll see you in the lab on the 28th and we’ll work on your presentation skills. Anichka is anxious to meet you. I think you’d be a great mentor to her.”

Then he hangs up on me. He hangs up on me! I’m left shaking with rage, obsessing over everything I should have said.

I clamp my eyes shut and mumble some divinely inspired mantra to get his voice out of my head.

I am enough.

I am worthy of love and respect.

I choose success.

I forgive Jake as a gift to myself.

But it’s no use. The murderous thoughts don’t stop coming, and I’m pretty certain that my Lord Jesus along with all decent people would frown upon that. Without looking, I press the volume button on the television until the sickly-sweet movie channel, and not the positive thought mantras, quiets the phone call.

It isn’t five minutes until my peace is once again shattered. My front door slams against the wall with a loud crash, and a framed photograph falls from the top of the TV. Ironically, the picture in the silver frame is of my two best friends, and they are now standing across my living room by the open front door. A flash of blinding sunlight forces me to shut my eyes again, but there’s no mistaking their distinctive forms. When I open my eyes the tall, muscular outline of Kathleen and the petite, girlish figure of Haley begin to take shape in shadows.

“Go away,” I moan.

“Enough of this.” Kathleen’s bark is like a drill sergeant’s. “Get up!” She’s pushy like that. A personal trainer by day, she gives marching orders as if protests are not allowed. Usually Haley and I follow blindly, but not today. Today I want one more bite of gelato and to finish my movie.

As I lift the spoon toward my mouth, Kathleen yanks it away, and ice cream splatters onto the dingy brown carpet. Neon is there to lick it up.

“You’re in my way,” I say, trying to see the television screen. I try to watch around her, but Kathleen has a booty and fills out her yoga pants well, so I can’t see around her Nicki Minaj impression.

I love my friends. They’re amazing for being here and trying to rouse me from my binge-watching stupor, but I’m not ready yet. It’s not time.

“I’m blocking the screen on purpose,” Kathleen says, too loudly through my sugar hangover. “We’ve given you more than enough time to wallow. It’s time to get up. Jake’s moved on, and you’ve got no choice but to move on too.”

I point at the television. “The hero just found that dog. Look how sweet. It just appeared like that, and there’s no one to take care of it. He’s going to take care of it because there’s no one else to do it. Where are the men like him?”

“Are you crying?” Haley asks. She has the sweetest voice to match her tiny, pixie figure, and I wish I possessed an ounce of her honeyed charm. Maybe Jake would still be here. Maybe he wouldn’t have been out scouting the circus talent that had come to town. “Maggie, this is insanity! This TV hero wouldn’t take care of the dog if it wasn’t scripted that he had to take care of the dog. Let’s go.”

Kathleen moves my legs onto the floor and scares the cat in the process. I do my best to ignore her, thinking she will eventually give up and leave me be. I try to explain the importance of the moment—the dog, the hero . . .

“The hero is going to fall in love with the heroine because of the dog. Isn’t that the sweetest thing? I mean, who doesn’t love a dog?”

“You’re going to get bedsores from that sofa,” Haley warns, bending over me with her long strawberry-blonde hair that I’ve coveted since childhood. She pets Neon. “Maggie, whose cat is this?”

I shrug, but my eyes widen.

“You stole that little old lady’s cat from outside, didn’t you?” Kathleen’s face settles into incredulous accusation.

“I didn’t steal it. He meowed at me, and he wanted some attention, so I left the door open and he wandered in. There’s raccoons and stuff out there. Maybe even a bobcat or two.” Orange County, though in the heart of Southern California, was still very rural in places.

“There is a little old lady outside on a walker looking for that cat.” Haley picks up Neon, opens the front door, and gently deposits him on the porch.

“That was mean,” I tell her. I call to Neon, but he ignores me and shoots out of sight.

“Don’t bother talking to her.” Kathleen shakes her head and sighs. “She’s gone. She stole a cat. What sane person does that?” She pulls my slippers off. “Just go get her packed. I’ll force her into the shower.”

“Shower?” I sit up quickly. “I don’t want a shower! Oh.” I zone back into the screen and try to block out the chaos around me. “Look at the dog. Who could give up a dog like that?”

“No one,” Kathleen says gruffly. “That’s a two-thousand-dollar dog. Only a TV movie thinks we will believe that a two-thousand-dollar designer dog is a mutt running loose in town needing to be rescued. This is fantasy, Maggie. Reality is better than fantasy. You said it yourself. Page 218.” She points to my book on the shelf. “I looked it up.”

Click to finish reading Chapter One!